Monday, February 27, 2012

Yet another appointment

In the morning, I have another appointment with the sleep specialist. My overnight sleep test didn't go well. Or maybe it did, who knows. I didn't sleep well at all. The sleep tech said I slept a little, but I question that. She wasn't sure I slept the 2.5 hours to make the test viable. I am not sure I slept the .5 of it LOL! I was there on one of my bad nights when the pain of fibromyalgia kept me tossing and turning and not sleeping. I have had many people tell me they don't believe in Fibromyalgia and chronic pain. The sleep "tech" told me "I don't think we got what we need." I told her "I am sorry I gave you a rough night." and she said she felt bad for me having to drive so far home on no sleep. It is normal for me!!! Even nurses and doctors have said to me they don't believe in it. My Primary Doctor doesn't believe in Fibromyalgia. The sleep specialist I am seeing again tomorrow told me "it is in the head, and if you want to spend $10,000 you can do a scan for it.". What does that mean? I will drive the 1.5 hours to see him again tomorrow. I hope he can tell me something, anything that will help. I am afraid he will ask me to come back for another night. I am not sure I can agree to do that. It is expensive for one. I have to arrange for my daughter for another. And, they won't allow me to do what I need to sleep. They only allow two pillows, It takes more than that for me to dream of getting comfortable. My arms need at least two each. I have a fear that this whole thing will be more money spent with no answers. I pray I am wrong. Specialists are never cheap. I just hope that in this case that a specialist is worth the money paid and can give me some answers!

Monday, February 20, 2012

Hard choices of mothers

I mentioned in a previous post that I finally found a doctor who understood my fibromyalgia. The result of that being a whole lot more doctors appointments. Including a sleep specialist. The thing is, with fibro it seems it is more ruling things out, than ruling things in. So with the sleep specialist, I had an appointment. And then he wrote the orders for me to come in for an overnight sleep study. Following that, another appointment in a couple of weeks to go over the results. Mainly, he is looking for sleep apnea, and I am almost positive I don't have that. I emailed a friend, because I was considering not doing all of this. Mainly because I would not be here to wake Erica up for school. Zach will be here to spend the night with her, but he isn't exactly good at getting up early! Normally, if I was not here I would call, Erica will sleep with the phone and it will wake her. I do think she hears her alarm or the phone better if I am not here. My friend suggested I look for the "real" reason I didn't want to do this. So I have thought it over. What have I come up with? Well a few things. There is the fact that I am not sure I will be able to call to wake Erica up and that is my first reason. But then there is another reason. All these appointments mean I have to drive over an hour (one way) each time. That is just hard when one is already fighting pain and exhaustion. And after all that, well there is the fact I am a mother. Mothers never want to feel like we are taking time and resources for our families. We as mothers HAVE to do for us, so we can take care of those who count on us. But that is so much easier said than done!

To my wonderful friend that I emailed, you were right, there was far more to the decision than what I really realized and you made me really think about it! It is so easy to just look at the easy side of things! I AM going to go do this. Because at the end of the day, it isn't just going to benefit me. HOPEFULLY it will benefit my family including my children if I get some answers. And, I am worth it!! As mothers, we ARE important. I think that as mothers sometimes we loose sight of the fact that we matter. I also think we forget that we wear down on our families if we are not taking care of ourselves. I really struggle with this. I many times feel like if I am taking care of me, I am being selfish. However, my Beloved and my friend helped me to understand that I am hurting my family and myself if I don't use the resources I have right now to deal with this.

As mothers and wives, I think we feel selfish if we do for us, but sometimes we can't be good mothers and wives if we don't. I think my Beloved was telling me that. But it took a second opinion from a good friend who told me she loved me either way to make me see it. I KNOW Beloved loves me either way, but he didn't say it like that. Sometimes a girlfriend knows just how to say something!

To you my friend/sister, I love you so much!!! You really did help!!!

Thursday, February 16, 2012


I admit it, I have gotten away from my head covering. I left it due to the fact that no-one in my church does it. There was one other lady, and she left it. And then she started wearing pants. I can't go back to wearing pants. But I miss my head covering. I feel naked without it. And it has been a while since I quit it. I felt no-one understood it when I wore it. But I feel naked without it. I feel like I am not giving God what he is asking for from me. Even though my Pastor and those in my church don't agree. I totally need to hear from my fellow head-covering wearing bloggers! I am struggling with this! My Beloved believes in women having long hair, but he does not have a stance on the head-covering. I want to make my God and my Beloved happy. Please, head-covered women help me with this!

Being frugal on a truckers budget

The title of this post comes from the search term that was used to find my blog. My stat counter tells me all that. But it is a good start to a blog post!

It isn't easy living on a truckers pay. We certainly have to be not only frugal, but also creative! It has gotten much easier since we were able to find the inverter in the budget. So now his mini fridge, microwave and electric cooler are working. Much better than when we were buying a bag of ice for $3 every two days (despite the frozen 2 liter bottle to supplement it), and no microwave. Before the microwave and fridge, beloved was buying sandwiches at the truck stop to supplement what I could send him in the cooler. They were not horrible priced for what he got, but it was more costly than what I can send him now, and not as healthy. I don't think he has bought one since we got the inverter! Another investment was a couple of TV dinner type Rubbermaid containers. I can put a meal in them for him to take and heat in the microwave. The other night he stopped by home, and I filled one up. It was enough for his dinner, and to put in the fridge to have leftovers the next day! I also make sure he has shelf stable items. Canned soups, chili, peanut butter, honey. He can add to whatever meal I send.

In home cooking, I try to make sure it is something if we have leftovers I can send. Tonight, I made pizza. I made sure to make enough for Beloved to take four slices with him. Our pizzas, two slices is a meal easy. So he has two meals there. That supplements what he has shelf stable. He also always has boiled eggs, lunch meat, bread, cheese sticks. His shelf stable includes canned fruits and veggies. If he doesn't eat two meals of pizza, he can bring it home and the kids will eat it over the weekend, since that is only two days away!

We are supporting two households. But with me watching the budget closely, it isn't so bad! Beloved watches his spending, and has his cash to use when needed. But he is good about not spending at truck stops when he doesn't have to. His cans of diet soda are bought by the case here at home, and his cases of bottled water are also. As are his big bottles of water used in cooking and the coffee maker. I refill those at home.

Truck driving is a business, even when the driver works for another company. Every receipt is kept for taxes. No, we don't mind paying our taxes, but things like beloveds cell phone is 100% deductible, because it is a required part of his job and used ONLY for his job. When he is not on the road, it isn't used except for the job to call him. When he is on the road, it is his only phone. Food, is not deductible because it is included in an allowed daily per diem. So being frugal as a truckers wife includes knowing tax law!

The point? It is possible to be frugal no matter what the circumstances if one studies up and learns how. There are always ways to save money.

Truckers make less "per hour" than most workers. And they are pushed by the company to somehow drive more miles in less time. They always seem to deliver on time, and when they don't we all complain! The store shelves are empty, the coupons are great and we want our nearly free goods? We want to complain! But the driver hauling those goods can only travel 11 hours per day! He has to stay within the speed limit, many times under because his truck is governed because that saves the company money on insurance costs! If he is late, his pay is cut, because the company pays a fee. In that case, drivers can earn less than minimum wage! Drivers have a choice to make. Run faster than the should, more hours than they should, or get docked pay. Of course not every company pushes drivers to that point. But some do.

So the next time when you are trying to be frugal, and you are upset because someone emptied the shelf, and the truck didn't get there to restock it...... Please remember that somewhere there is a trucker, with a family who will lose more than the whole load was worth if he broke the law to get that load there faster. He will lose money if he speeds, goes over his hours, drives on roads he shouldn't. The fines for those things are ALWAYS higher than the load pays.

It isn't easy being frugal. But it also isn't easy being a frugal trucker! Heck, it isn't easy being a trucker!

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Of Valentines day and school lunches

Ok, two interesting things to pair for one blog post, but since I am sitting here and they are both on my mind together they get paired.

So first things first Happy Valentines Day. We had a very small thing here. Beloved got in from a haul last night and had to take out again today. So he kept the trailer and parked a block from home. He the kids and I went to visit for awhile and took him dinner, and of course I slept over with him. I got him a gift, knowing he had not been out to shop, we normally only do something small anyway. But this gift was for both of us. It was a new headset for his phone. We have tried two cheaper ones, but they just were not good. Either he couldn't hear me or I couldn't here him. So he had his eye on a good one suggested by many of the other drivers. So even though it is a pricey one, well it is a tool, and a gift for both of us. It is working great. Neither one of us always saying "what did you say?". True to form when I handed him my purse and asked him to get something out of it for me, and he saw it he said "but I haven't had a chance to shop". And I told him this was my gift to both of us! Of course at that time he hadn't tried it, and I was just hoping it would be better than what we had. So glad it is.

On the other side of life, I am hoping they do make the changes they are talking about to school lunches. Erica comes home each day with a report of what was for school lunch. Let me say, that she wants school lunches, I would rather she take her lunch, and this is one place where we have compromised. The main reason I compromised here, is because even though I am not thrilled with the choices she gets at school, I can control the rest of her diet and know she is getting good nutrition. But it scares me that she comes home and tells me that the required "fruit" is filled with apple pie or worse today, pudding. Now to be fair, I can see how SOME apple pies may be filled with fruit. But I am thinking the way the cut corners the schools are not. The concerning part to me about this, is that statistics show that many of the kids on free lunches get their only meals at school. Meaning if we are filling them full of junk at school and they get nothing at home, they are missing greatly the things they need. I guess it just goes to show that even though our government is "trying" to help these poor and undernourished children, that our government doesn't do much of anything well. This is one thing I will be adding to my prayer list.

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

It never ceases to amaze me

It really does amaze me how God works! I love the way he uses my blog to speak to others! There are many who have cast stones at me for my beliefs in God. But those same people are still reading my blog! He is working his will through me! That is such a huge thing! The stones hurt, but knowing that I am being used for his work makes the sting less!

Tonight, I took Zach to look at a truck. It was a 2 hour drive one way. He really liked the truck. But the guy didn't have the title notarized. He said he did when Zach called, or we would have never driven that far to look at it. Zach was disappointed. But after a couple of calls to Beloved, it was obvious that we couldn't pay for it and leave and trust the title to come in the mail. It was a nice truck for the money. I feel for Zach, because his last truck the engine blew up on him. The friend he took with him didn't point out the blue smoke that we noticed when we brought it home. He did give Beloved a huge compliment when he said "I should have listened to you on the other one I looked at and bought it when you said it was good". That one was gone when he had called back on it. I do think he is growing up a lot. He is starting to realize that we as parents have his best interests at heart even though he is grown! I think that is a huge step for any child. When I offered to go with him tonight, he said "I was hoping you would". I wish he wouldn't have left empty handed though. He felt bad for having me drive that far I know, but I was sure to tell him it wasn't his fault that the title wasn't ready.

I also need to ask for prayers for a friend. I can't say much, I don't know a ton anyway. But she needs prayers. She is an awesome friend and a super awesome mother. I admire her strength so much. She has already faced some things I am not sure I could. I mean as mothers, we do what we have to do, but in her situation I think I would be bitter and angry over what happened to my child. But she is so strong and asking for prayers. She has been there for me when I needed prayers and love, and I am trying to be there for her and asking my readers to also. Christian love can go a long ways! So please just say prayers for an awesome mom and friend who is having tough times!

I am loving my new doctor. She is trying so hard to help me with my Fibro, Chronic pain and other issues! Not saying we are at the end of the road, because we are far from it, but it is so great to finally feel like someone is listening. I have been 5 years and 4 doctors to get to the point that someone really is listening AND understands. The other day when I was there, she said to me "Don't worry, I have seen this before". It is the first time a doctor really heard me though. So if you are fighting these issues, hang in there! And if you want to message me as to how I finally found the help I need, feel free! As always I will keep your comments private if you request it (and sometimes if I just feel you would want it that way!)

Sunday, February 5, 2012

Finally have Beloveds truck done!

Well for now anyway! This weekend I was able to get his inverter. So now he is set up with a small microwave and a TV. This truck had a fridge in it already, and he has a plug in cooler. I am so thrilled he finally has a microwave! It makes such a huge difference in the foods I can send him. I went grocery shopping today and got him some things. I think he favorite was a can of clam chowder. He really likes it, but I don't buy it often. I think the TV he will find the most use of on the occasions he gets laid over. He has a small indoor antenna, so he won't have a ton of channels. He will also have to rescan it every time he uses it, but I don't think he will use it daily. The layovers are the hardest for him, he has had nothing to do. I am so happy to finally have him all set up!

The weather is still so mild. I am waiting the other shoe to drop. I have a funny feeling we will have a big winter storm or something. It is just to good to be true. We have had plenty of rain, but not much cold or snow.